its a struggle to adapt to different personalities and there will be a point where it says "let it go". then there is when you draw yourself out from the circle you've made. just wait for the energy to be energized and try again hoping that it isnt too late.

stupid line

the bad line has finally taking its toll on me. i am finally feeling the anger other students felt 2 months ago. my anger came a little slower than it should be because i have been patient. but today i don't know why, bad mood seems to be awaken in the end.

Anyway, i have been listening to the theme song of the movie You Are the Apple of My Eye over and over for about 30 times or so. It seems that the guy and the girl did not have a happy ending, the guy just watched her getting married to somebody else. Still waiting to watch the movie.

Well, life is no fairytale where the guy meets the girl, fall in love, and happily ever after. Each and every relationship has its ups and downs, obstacles, rejections. Not every human being are able to stand strong and face it. Some will tend to back out, give up and walk away. We decide the road we want to walk, if the path chosen was wrong, there will be no undo button. We can only see the footsteps we left behind, learn the mistake and do not repeat the same mistake. Last but not least, be kind and give blessings.

I have never watched any love movies for quite a while. I've always preferred the sad ones LOL

Good food has been haunting me. It's calling me. Sirens going on and on. The food here has not been satisfying, it just makes me want to eat more because it is not satisfying. Last time, getting McD is so easy, now.. it is like far beyond my reach. Food seriously affects my mood. I have no idea how it started but food plays a vital role in my life.

Second thing, at university phase, it's not easy to get exercises with answers and solutions. They are so limited and only with a book reference i am counting on. When I want to be all hardworking and staying focus, I have no materials to do so. During form 6, I have all the materials I needed and I did not bother to look over. This feels like a payback. Revenge from education, letting me feel how is it like to be neglected =.=

Next, I don't think I like to deal with the machines, things that got to do with mechanical? I guess? Tiny circuits interest me more perhaps?

I have a favor to ask. Can you give me ?

I need guidance. I need protection. I need wisdom. I need strategy. I need courage. I need energy. I need direction.

I am not asking too much. I suppose.

I seriously need to get rid of my craziness in form 6. I should only use it when it is necessary. Overused is actually quite tiring at times but if I have too much to give, what am I supposed to do? Just got to learn how to save for emergency purposes. LOL.

I am still unsure whether am I more to introvert or extrovert. I feel unsafe whenever I am too extrovert and I feel lonely when I am too introvert. I guess everyone is normally 50 50. Anyway, I do not want to repeat the mistake in the past. It is wrong and I know it. There should be a border line in every action.

While I am listening to We are the world song for the Haiti, I feel the necessity to lend a hand. But if we are not able to help our own people, how much can we do for them ? I guess to practice that, we need to start bit by bit for people around us. Any type of help will do as long as you do not hope for a return.

I always visualize myself doing charity and become volunteer for other 3rd world countries but it's all in my mind. I am not that bold to do so but I hope one day, that one day will come and I will accomplish that task starting from my country and the list goes on.

Is suffer needed in this world? But if it does not exist, people will not learn and change.

In UMP

Settling down here at University Malaysia Pahang campus Pekan. This university has two campuses, where the other one is located at Gambang. It is about an hour drive by bus from Pekan. Yes, it is very rural, as the 30 minutes driveway out of my university consists of empty lands. After that half an hour drive, you will start to see buildings and shopping malls. I would say the area at Kuantan is something like our Penang's mainland. Yes, still not likable by many Penangnites. Water shortage has been occurring for the past few days and we bathed at public toilets in the lecture building. This is not something you guys will get to do in your comfort zone. I call it experience! Cows and cow dungs are common objects to be seen but it is us that are invading their territory. Everything is new so I shall consider that as lucky as some other universities out there do not provide these advantage for them. To get good food, sacrifice some time to go out there and explore. Good food will not come to you if you do not reach out for them.

Many of my friends asked me how is it here? Can survive or not? Lol

I am here for 2 weeks already and surprisingly I am fine with it here. Hard to believe, yet it is the truth. Transferring from a happening state (well, KL comes first) to rural area is very eye-opening. I have to do everything here by myself when back at home, mom did the chores. Here I wash my own clothes, clean my own room, have my own meals with what is provided. It is definitely a life changing from me but it makes me independent and my survival mode is turned on! The very first is to make friends with people all over Malaysia. I came here solo with no companion but I fear not. With fear, I will accomplish nothing. So the friendship process goes on and students here are nice and friendly because we are going through the same problem. Being stuck up serves no purpose in this environment. In conclusion, I like it how I will be trained here. Anyone can be trained anywhere even in private universities but the environment differs from place to place.

It is quite wrong to judge your future based on the place you are in. You choose how you would like to lead your life and if you are able to, anywhere is not a problem. But if you fail to visualize and be optimistic, your life will be lead by others. Of course, if one has a better offer, choose wisely.

P/s: these are only part of my rants, I have a lot to share but this is sufficient on how i feel. 3 years and 11 months more to go !

To Leave

How easy is it to leave? Leaving your family, partner, friends and etc? Being away from somewhere your comfort zone lies.. Im so attached to what i feel good. So, leaving it is actually difficult for me. If you are away but just a short distance, it's alright. Not when you're miles away and to meet up is counting by months. This is a test i know. A test where not everyone takes but God arranged. Able to live through it or not, not depending only on me. But also the other half/party.

The feeling is so reluctant right now. One side of my brain is thinking why cant i be simple and take up something over here while the other side thinking why not accept this challenge and give a try what lies in front of me. Who actually knows what's the correct pathway to lead. People do seek fortune tellers for their lives ahead. Sometime i thought of giving a try, but im just too afraid of what answer will be given to me. What if its bad and knowing you have a rough road ahead is depressing.

If it's not meant to be mine, why force? I guess there is always something waiting for me in the future =]

The first

I am not the type who expresses everything to anyone not even my close buddies. I just feel it is safest with me than letting another person knows what's up on my mind. Although that's my preference but sometimes i do wish i am able to open up like the rest and share to ask opinions but.. oh well, i am learning.

Things change over the years. People need to accept the changes and live with it but sometimes it's not easy when it involves your emotions in it. You cant pretend to be the same like the past, it's just awkward at times. But i would prefer to stay quiet and keeps the feelings to myself so that i wont cause a mess and just go with the flow. That's just me.

So, not many know my ups and downs and maybe even when i pass away one day i would choose not to let people know? Lol.

It's not true what you see on the surface sometimes until you take the effort and time to dig through it =]